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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593711">The Question</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettX/pseuds/ScarlettX'>ScarlettX</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1995, A Pratchett of footnotes, Book and Show Cannon Cocktail, Light-Hearted, M/M, Pepper's Mum is the best character we never get to meet, Teenage Them, The Them being the Them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:53:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettX/pseuds/ScarlettX</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Them had few unspoken rules. Pepper tended to give them the same respect that she had for all other rules .</p><p>"Do you recon that Mr Fell fucks?" She asked. </p><p>Pepper had a question and an ulterior motive. Adam is an accomplice.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Brian &amp; Pepper &amp; Wensleydale &amp; Adam Young (Good Omens), Brian/Wensleydale (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Question</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Them had few unspoken rules. Pepper tended to give them the same respect that she had for all other rules<a href="#_ftn1" id="_ftnref1" name="_ftnref1">[1]</a>.</p><p>"Do you recon that Mr Fell fucks?" She asked.</p><p>It took the rest of the Them a minute to respond, the topic of Mr Fells sex life being a non-sequitur to their currently heated debate on the superiority of either Pepsi or Coke<a href="#_ftn2" id="_ftnref2" name="_ftnref2">[2]</a>. Since puberty had hit they had avoided the topic of sex while in mixed company.<a href="#_ftn3" id="_ftnref3" name="_ftnref3">[3]</a></p><p>In the years after Armageddon<a href="#_ftn4" id="_ftnref4" name="_ftnref4">[4]</a> Crowley and Aziraphale had kept a somewhat close eye upon Tadfield. This was supposedly in order to monitor Adams commitment to his position but also gave the pair something to do.<a href="#_ftn5" id="_ftnref5" name="_ftnref5">[5]</a> They did not interact much with the Them which is perhaps why Pepper felt emboldened to ask the question on a sunny Sunday afternoon as they sat by the creek.</p><p>“No way,” Brian, used to non-sequitur thought, was the first to recover. “He couldn’t if he wanted to. Not in that vest.” Though the outside world never really came to Tadfield, Brian had taken a great interest in fashion these last couple of years. He had spent an inordinate amount of the money to channel his natural grubbiness into an aesthetic he liked to call punk.<a href="#_ftn6" id="_ftnref6" name="_ftnref6">[6]</a></p><p>“I read that some people like unfashionable men,” Wensleydale said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose<a href="#_ftn7" id="_ftnref7" name="_ftnref7">[7]</a>. Wensleydale had not developed an interest in fashion; he had merely delved deeper into his books. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t take great pride in his appearance. He would have been the model of a very fine young man – 40 years ago.</p><p>“Who?” Pepper said with an arched eyebrow.</p><p>“Unfashionable women presumably.” Wensleydale muttered suddenly very interested in his empty coke can.</p><p>“No way. Mr Crowley sure but Mr Fell, no way.” Brian, a natural debater, was not going to let this die. Wensleydale was always happy to appease him.</p><p>“Of course Mr Crowley fucks. Anyone could tell you that,” Pepper said.</p><p>“I recon he does. I recon he has tones of sex.” Wensleydale had a position now and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to defend it.</p><p>“We’re agreed then?” Adam said, hoping to get back to the great soft drink debate of 1995.</p><p>“Not Mr Cowley! Mr Fell!” Wensleydale looked around at the group on unconvinced faces. “He’s actually very smart and has good taste in music...”</p><p>“He’s a vain know it all.” Brian interrupted.</p><p>“Intelligence is sexy.” Wensleydale said primly<a href="#_ftn8" id="_ftnref8" name="_ftnref8">[8]</a>.</p><p>Brian shrugged fidgeting with the studs on his shoes. This was what Brian did during their many debates when he conceded a point but didn’t want to admit it “Not as sexy as being cool. Any way what woman would he even be interested in? or vice versa?”</p><p> “I did see Mrs Morrow Looking at him wistfully last time he was here.” Adam said after a collective thoughtful pause.</p><p>Pepper scrunched up her nose. Mrs Morrow was significantly older then Mr Fell<a href="#_ftn9" id="_ftnref9" name="_ftnref9">[9]</a>. </p><p>“That’s another thing!” Brain said “He had no idea how to talk to women. He’s never once flirted with Anathema. And did you see the way he talked to Lisa last week?”<br/><br/>Lisa was Mrs Morrow’s daughter who had moved back home 5 years ago, shortly after the extraordinary events that had ended the year’s summer after a bad experience at her work had made her reconsider her life choices.  She was ‘the most beautiful woman in Tadfield after Anathema” which was a converted award position and a protégé of Pepper’s mother who knew what it was like to start again after making bad decisions. </p><p>The Morrows had just happened to be walking by as the two were leaving after their monthly visit to Adam<a href="#_ftn10" id="_ftnref10" name="_ftnref10">[10]</a>. The Them had watched as the younger Morrow had stood incredibly close to Mr Crowley even occasionally touching his chest. Mr Fell had in what could not pass as an accident but also was not directional enough to be definitively vindictive, had theatrically ‘tripped’, covering Lisa in one of Mrs Young’s homemade cakes.<a href="#_ftn11" id="_ftnref11" name="_ftnref11">[11]</a></p><p>After some empty apologies Mr Fell had positively dragged his smirking partner into the ancient Bentley. Lisa had since discovered a connection with a young man from Sweden and in a whirlwind romance moved abroad with him.</p><p>“My Mum,” The only authority figure that Pepper still respected<a href="#_ftn12" id="_ftnref12" name="_ftnref12">[12]</a> “Says that they are Homosexuals. Not that there is anything wrong with that.”  It fell out of her moth very quickly as if she was afraid she would stop if she didn’t.</p><p>Adam gave Pepper a knowing look. They had finally reached the purpose behind this line of questioning.</p><p>The problem with living in a picturesque village that maintained all of its 50’s charm was that it also maintained its quaint conservative ideals and education. Brain and Wensleydale, who did not understand what a homosexual was in the slightest, stared at her with blank expressions.</p><p>“I thought he was an angle?” Wensleydale said “Nothing homo about that.”</p><p>“No it has something to do with that old poem they have us reading in World Lit,” Brian said knowingly. Wensleydale was prepared to accept this; he had always thought Mr Fell’s unhealthy adoration of books had been suspect. Brian was trying to figure out how sex had anything to do with boats and monsters. Both independently resolved to, what would turn out to be a rather self-revelatory, google later that night<a href="#_ftn13" id="_ftnref13" name="_ftnref13">[13]</a>.</p><p>Adam, who was the only one of the lot who had been to Soho to visit Mr Fell and Mr Crowley, was a little worldlier than his friends<a href="#_ftn14" id="_ftnref14" name="_ftnref14">[14]</a>.  </p><p>“Are you saying you think they are…” As worldly as he was he didn’t know what the proper terminology was for this sort of situation. “An item?” He gave the word the intonation he had heard his mother use describing his sister and her friend who was a boy but was defiantly not her boyfriend<a href="#_ftn15" id="_ftnref15" name="_ftnref15">[15]</a>,</p><p>“That was the suggestion, yes,” Pepper said. She took a breath and counted staring at her other two friends waiting for a response.</p><p>Wensleydale broke first “Is… is that allowed?” He shot Brian a look.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Brian said, meeting his gaze with a  grin.</p><p>Wensleydale ‘s brow furrowed “Then it doesn’t sound like something Mr Fell would do.”</p><p>“He’s not completely rule abiding,” Brian said “There is one notable example I can think of.”</p><p>Wensleydale shook his head “I don’t know. With Mr Crowley?”</p><p>“Well they are good friends,” Brian tapped a beat into his knee “And Mr Crowley is always staring at him.”</p><p>Wensleydale’s face was now so twisted in thought that his glasses were at risk of slipping off. “But they are so different. They are literally opposites!”</p><p>“Opposites attract” Brian shrugged.</p><p>“An angel and a demon? Wouldn’t they explode or something?” Wensleydale asked completely lost in confusion.</p><p>“If everything goes right then, yes I assume so.” Brian smirked. Wensleydale threw a stick at his general direction but was too distracted for it to land.</p><p>Pepper and Adam had been sitting there in silence, not daring to interrupt least their friends fall the wrong way off the precipice of realisation they found themselves on.</p><p>“Look maybe Mr Crowley likes Mr Fell. But what would they even do?” Wensleydale said “There’s nowhere to put the – you know.” He felt his cheeks burning and regretted opening his mouth at all.</p><p>Adam opened his mouth to explain but before he could Brian suddenly shot up.</p><p>“I just remembered! I need to do my taxes!” He said hurriedly.</p><p>“In April?” Pepper asked exasperation lining her features.</p><p>Suddenly Wensleydale also jumped to his feed “I think I left the stove on?”</p><p>“Do you even know how to turn it on?” Adam said equally frustrated.</p><p>“Yes” Both replied quickly peeling away very purposefully in opposite directions. Pepper groaned inter her hands while Adam gave an exasperated sigh. </p><p>“So close.” Pepper said tossing a stick into the creek.</p><p>“Well at least they have a word for it now.” Adam said with a shrug.</p><p>It is a little known fact about both angles and demons is that the evocation of their name makes them privy to the conversation at hand. An even lesser known fact is that there is no way for them to block the conversation out.</p><p>So it was, that in the back room of a bookshop in Soho<a href="#_ftn16" id="_ftnref16" name="_ftnref16">[16]</a> an angel and a demon were both frozen wine glasses half raised to their mouths, faces flushed, with their previous conversation<a href="#_ftn17" id="_ftnref17" name="_ftnref17">[17]</a> on the scientific classification of Axolotl<a href="#_ftn18" id="_ftnref18" name="_ftnref18">[18]</a> completely, mercifully, derailed. They were both staring at the bookshelves with fierce determination. They had been staring at the bookshelves for quite some time but one of them, at least, was pacing himself<a href="#_ftn19" id="_ftnref19" name="_ftnref19">[19]</a>.  It took them both some time to recover. When they did manage to speak they had a conversation which, by some estimates, was 6000 years overdue<a href="#_ftn20" id="_ftnref20" name="_ftnref20">[20]</a>.</p><p>A fortnight later, Mr Fell and Mr Crowley came for their regular visit Tadfield. None of The Them had forgotten about this little conversation but bigger questions on sexuality located closer to home had arisen for two of them and even Pepper was uncomfortable bringing it up again. Even if he had been thinking of it, Adam was not going to bring it up over tea and board games.<a href="#_ftn21" id="_ftnref21" name="_ftnref21">[21]</a></p><p>This month’s little catch up went rather differently. The two man shaped creatures were holding hands most of the time, which had made it rather hard to play board games. Mr Crowley had even leaned over and kissed Mr Fell on the cheek at one point<a href="#_ftn22" id="_ftnref22" name="_ftnref22">[22]</a>. But most importantly Adam received a call. It came from Wensleydale all he said was “I’m going to do it.” And then hung up<a href="#_ftn23" id="_ftnref23" name="_ftnref23">[23]</a>.</p><p>“It must be very exciting news.” Mr Fell had said as he and Mr Crowley were shoved out the door.</p><p>“It is! It is! Sorry byeeee!” Adam said as he shut the door before rushing to call Pepper.</p><p>But Pepper wouldn’t pick up. At that point in time she was walking home from her job <a href="#_ftn24" id="_ftnref24" name="_ftnref24">[24]</a> when rather unexpectedly a 1926 black Bentley pulled up beside her.  </p><p>The window rolled down<a href="#_ftn25" id="_ftnref25" name="_ftnref25">[25]</a> revealing Pepper’s startled reflection looking back at her from a pair of black sunglasses.</p><p>“You. Gossip Girl.” Mr Crowley called to her as if she was not only a meter away and already staring at him. Pepper was unsure what she had done to earn this new epithet but it was a distinct improvement of her previous Crowley name.<a href="#_ftn26" id="_ftnref26" name="_ftnref26">[26]</a></p><p>“What?” She said in an equally abrasive manner <a href="#_ftn27" id="_ftnref27" name="_ftnref27">[27]</a>. </p><p>The demon looked over the top of his glasses revealing his snakelike eyes.</p><p>“Yes.” He said. In the passenger seat Pepper heard Mr Fell gasp and slap Mr Crowley's side.</p><p>Peppers face twisted with the look of someone who knows that they should be suspicious but who doesn’t yet know why. “Yes what?” She said. A counter question was always a good response.<a href="#_ftn28" id="_ftnref28" name="_ftnref28">[28]</a></p><p>“You’ll figure it out.” Mr Crowley said with a wink. Before Pepper could respond he screeched down the road leaving nothing but smoke and skid marks behind.</p><p>It took Pepper several hours to figure out what the demon had said. To be fair she been distracted by her two childhood friends officially becoming ‘an item’, not that there was anything wrong with that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Footnotes:</p><p><a href="#_ftnref1" id="_ftn1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> Spoken or otherwise.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref2" id="_ftn2" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> Brian as the defense in favor of Pepsi, Wensleydale as the prosecutor and Adam acting as judge with a soon to be not so secret bias towards the home brewed soda that Mrs Kent made and sold at the corner shop.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref3" id="_ftn3" name="_ftn3">[3]</a> In fact even in unmixed company they did not talk about sex as one would assume of group of 16 year old boys would. They instead preferred to talk about topics of much greater relevance to their lives such as: Where to best place a glitter trap for R.P Tyler, when to scale R.P Tyler’s roof so that they would not be seen, and how they were going to get out of this punishment for permanently turning Mrs Tyler ‘s miniature poodle Shutzi sparkly.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref4" id="_ftn4" name="_ftn4">[4]</a> Or as Adam called it “Armageddon’t”, or as Brian called it “Not the End of the World as We Know It”, or as Wensleydale calls it “That Saturday Where the World Almost Ended But Didn’t” or Pepper called it “Arma -”</p><p><a href="#_ftnref5" id="_ftn5" name="_ftn5">[5]</a> Their only other responsibility on earth was young master Warlock. Crowley – who liked the boy and his evil spirit - continued to check up on his prodigy him delighting in his most recent development, a dungeons &amp; dragons group and the satanic panic this was causing his parents. Aziraphale had, with some determination, fallen out of touch with the Dowling’s, a veritable miracle considering that Mr Dowling had access to, and had utilised a baffled FBI and CIA.* (double footnote) A true crime podcast on the Disappearance of Brother Francis would become wildly successful 17 years later and would lead to an investigation that would not find the missing Brother but would discover tax evasion and fraud charges that would destroy Mr Dowling’s presidential campaign.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref6" id="_ftn6" name="_ftn6">[6]</a> This made Peppers mother laugh. The Them had yet to figure out why.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref7" id="_ftn7" name="_ftn7">[7]</a> For a moment they reflected the light so it blocked out his eyes. Completely unrelated Adam had recently discovered anime.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref8" id="_ftn8" name="_ftn8">[8]</a> Just as he said to himself in the mirror two weeks later, minutes before asking a question of his own.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref9" id="_ftn9" name="_ftn9">[9]</a> Who was already Very Old in the eyes of the 16 year old meaning that Mrs Morrow was positively ancient.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref10" id="_ftn10" name="_ftn10">[10]</a> As they always seemed to do.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref11" id="_ftn11" name="_ftn11">[11]</a> Deirdre had been following her dream of becoming a baker. It was as yet still a dream though the last batch of cupcakes she made managed to be cooked all the way through. So there was hope on the horizon.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref12" id="_ftn12" name="_ftn12">[12]</a> And even then that varied by the hour.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref13" id="_ftn13" name="_ftn13">[13]</a> Though it would take Brain a significantly longer to hit gold, only yielding some clarity when he eventually took the “Not that there is anything wrong with that” out of the search term. Wensleydale would be more efficient but less lucky as he decided to search on the family computer, in the living room, where his parents were watching TV.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref14" id="_ftn14" name="_ftn14">[14]</a> He had actually a conversation with Mr Fell about this topic after an incident in front of the bookshop. A young man had suffered a most embarrassing accident mere moments after calling Mr Fell a rather derogatory word. Adam suspected that the accident would have been far more embarrassing and perhaps a little painful if Adam had not been there.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref15" id="_ftn15" name="_ftn15">[15]</a> His sister had explained that just because they hung out all the time and where always talking and held hands when they thought no one was looking it didn’t meant they were a couple, ok. And to stop calling him her boyfriend</p><p><a href="#_ftnref16" id="_ftn16" name="_ftn16">[16]</a> Closed early for urgent business.  (The business being a 1990 Penfolds Shiraz South Australia Grange)</p><p><a href="#_ftnref17" id="_ftn17" name="_ftn17">[17]</a> Argument.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref18" id="_ftn18" name="_ftn18">[18]</a> Crowley was adamant that they were a reptile. Aziraphale was adamant that they were an actinopterygii. Both of them wrong.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref19" id="_ftn19" name="_ftn19">[19]</a> The other’s eyes, not used to staring at books for an extended period of time, occasionally flicked to the windows and occasionally the roof as if trying to calculate a means of escape.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref20" id="_ftn20" name="_ftn20">[20]</a> This calculation was wrong. It was in fact only 53 years too late.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref21" id="_ftn21" name="_ftn21">[21]</a> Aziraphale liked to play Scrabble, Crowley enjoyed Coup. Both where completely obnoxious when playing the other. Adam had settled the matter by choosing Settlers of Catan which no one really enjoyed but at the same time no one hated. It wouldn’t be until Christmas and Adam received a copy of love letter from Pepper that this issue would be satisfactorily resolved.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref22" id="_ftn22" name="_ftn22">[22]</a> Though Adam suspected that this was a ploy to look at Aziraphale’s hand more than anything else.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref23" id="_ftn23" name="_ftn23">[23]</a> He had seen people do this in a movie and thought it was very cool.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref24" id="_ftn24" name="_ftn24">[24]</a> Pepper worked as a checkout chick at Tadfields only Supermarket. Since beginning her job 3 months prior she had already started a union, successfully negotiating improvements to work conditions, increased wages and free soda for all of her friends.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref25" id="_ftn25" name="_ftn25">[25]</a> Slowly and erratically, as Crowley had to do this by spinning an awkwardly placed roller. He hadn’t driven a modern car. Features such as power windows, seatbelts and airbags were advances in technology to which he was blissfully ignorant. It should be noted that he would be significantly less blissful had he known that Aziraphale (who had only last year bought himself a mini cooper which he then neglected to learn how to drive) had been maintaining this ignorance.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref26" id="_ftn26" name="_ftn26">[26]</a> Crowley had not learnt any of the Them’s names preferring, as he did with all humans, descriptive associations. Until recently Pepper had been Smaller Crazy Bicycle Lady.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref27" id="_ftn27" name="_ftn27">[27]</a> She responded to everyone in an abrasive manner in the hopes that they would learn that girls shouldn’t have to have manners.</p><p><a href="#_ftnref28" id="_ftn28" name="_ftn28">[28]</a> It made people think and put them on the defensive. Pepper had been using the technique for quite some time her go to’s being “Why would that be a problem?” “What are you trying to insinuate?” and “Can you provide any well sourced evidence that supports your position?” Her teachers always made sure to mention when Peppers mother came to pick her up from detention, that they saw bright future in politics for her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! I Hope you enjoyed this silly little story. Didn't ship it before I started writing, do now. Regret setting in the 90's but what can you do. Here fore that sexy sexy constructive criticism (unless it's of the footnotes I accept no criticism on the footnotes). @harlotnextdoor on twitter if you wanna yell at me there.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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